Healing Journeys Therapy

Kimberly Mann
LCSW

Phrases for Saying No Without Feeling Like A Jerk

Saying no can often feel overwhelming, and being advised to simply toughen up and assert yourself can come across as dismissive and frustrating. It’s important to recognize that setting boundaries is a process that should be approached gradually and at a pace that suits you. Instead of jumping straight into direct refusals, we’ll take a step-by-step approach to help you build confidence and find ways to say no that feel comfortable and respectful. Together, we’ll work through these challenges at a pace that aligns with your needs and comfort level, ensuring a more manageable and empowering experience.

Delaying Response: Phrases for When You Need More Time

  1. “I need some time to think this over. Can I get back to you by [specific time or date]?”
  2. “Let me check my schedule and get back to you shortly.”
  3. “I’d like to give this some thought. Can I follow up with you later?”
  4. “I need to review a few things before making a decision. I’ll let you know soon.”
  5. “I’m not sure yet. Let me take some time to consider it and I’ll get back to you.”
  6. “I’m currently tied up with other commitments. I’ll need to get back to you after I’ve had a chance to review everything.”
  7. “I need to discuss this with [a relevant person or resource] before I can give you a definite answer.”
  8. “I’m a bit unsure at the moment. Let me think it through and I’ll follow up with you soon.”
  9. “I need to assess my current workload before I can commit. I’ll reach out to you once I have a clearer picture.”
  10. “Can we touch base again on [specific day]? I need a bit more time to decide.”
 
 
 

Responding to In-Person Requests: Phrases to Use for Immediate Declines

  1. “I need to consider this further. Can we discuss it later?”
  2. “I’m not ready to give an answer right now. Let me get back to you once I’ve had time to think.”
  3. “I need a moment to reflect on this. I’ll follow up with my response soon.”
  4. “I’m currently dealing with other priorities. I’ll need to take some time before confirming.”
  5. “I’m not sure at this moment. Let’s talk about it again after I’ve had time to consider.”
 
 
Why these are effective: These phrases allow you to avoid giving an immediate answer while giving yourself the necessary time to assess your decision. They communicate your need for time respectfully and ensure you can provide a more considered response later. This approach is useful when you need to avoid making a hasty decision or when you’re not comfortable saying no on the spot.

 

 

To make saying no easier and more consistent, consider drafting a few standard responses for different types of invitations or requests in your notes. By preparing these responses in advance, you won’t have to agonize over wording each time a similar situation arises. When you need to delay your response, as suggested, you can use one of the pre-written phrases to buy yourself time. Once you’ve had the chance to think it over, follow up with one of your pre-drafted “no” responses. This approach ensures that you communicate your boundaries clearly and confidently, reducing stress and making the process of saying no smoother.

 

1. Scenario: A Friend Requests to Borrow Money

Example Decline: “Thanks for reaching out. I understand that you’re in a tight spot, but I’m not able to lend you money at this time. I hope you’re able to find the support you need elsewhere.”
Why It Works: This response is empathetic and clear, expressing understanding while maintaining a firm boundary.
 
 

2. Scenario: A Co-Worker Asks for Help with Their Work Project

Example Decline: “I’m currently swamped with my own tasks and won’t be able to assist with your project. I suggest you reach out to [another colleague] who might have the bandwidth to help.”
Why It Works: This approach is direct and offers a practical solution without leaving the requestor feeling unsupported.
 
 

3. Scenario: An Invitation to an Event You’re Not Interested In

Example Decline: “Thank you so much for the invitation. I’m not able to attend this time, but I hope you have a fantastic event. Let’s catch up soon.”
Why It Works: It’s polite and expresses gratitude while clearly stating that you can’t attend, without giving a specific reason.
 

 

4. Scenario: A Family Member Asks for a Favor That’s Overwhelming

Example Decline: “I appreciate you thinking of me, but I’m currently dealing with a lot and can’t take on this favor right now. I hope you understand, and I’m here to support you in other ways.”
Why It Works: This response acknowledges the request and sets a boundary based on personal capacity, while offering emotional support.
 

 

5. Scenario: A Neighbor Requests Frequent Babysitting

Example Decline: “I’m flattered that you trust me with babysitting. However, I’m unable to commit to regular babysitting. Perhaps you could consider hiring a professional who can offer consistent help.”
Why It Works: It’s respectful and acknowledges the trust placed in you while clearly stating your limits and suggesting a viable alternative.
 
 

6. Scenario: A Volunteer Organization Asks for More of Your Time

Example Decline: “I’m glad to support the organization, but I need to focus on my personal commitments at the moment. I’ll be happy to help out again in the future when my schedule allows.”
Why It Works: This response shows commitment to the cause while explaining that current personal obligations prevent you from increasing your involvement.
 
 

7. Scenario: A Colleague Wants to Discuss Work Outside of Office Hours

Example Decline: “I’m currently off the clock and need to focus on my personal time. Let’s discuss this during work hours or we can schedule a meeting for a later time.”
Why It Works: It asserts your boundary around work-life balance while proposing an alternative solution.
 

 

8. Scenario: A Social Group Wants You to Join an Activity You’re Not Comfortable With

Example Decline: “I appreciate the invite, but I’m not comfortable participating in this activity. I hope you have a great time, and I’d love to join in on other activities in the future.”
Why It Works: This approach respectfully declines while expressing openness to future engagements that align better with your preferences.
 

 

NOW YOU ARE READY TO LEARN HOW TO SAY NO DIRECTLY AND KINDLY!

 

 

Polite Declines

  1. “I appreciate the offer, but I’m unable to commit at this time.”
  2. “Thank you for thinking of me, but I have to decline.”
  3. “I’m flattered you asked, but I need to say no.”
  4. “I’m sorry, but I can’t take this on right now.”
  5. “I’m honored by your request, but I need to focus on other things.”
 
Why it’s kind: These phrases express gratitude and appreciation for the offer or invitation while clearly stating that you cannot participate. They maintain a positive tone and show respect for the person’s request.

 

 

Acknowledging Prior Commitments

  1. “I’m currently focused on other priorities and can’t take this on.”
  2. “I have a prior commitment that prevents me from joining.”
  3. “I’m committed to other obligations and need to decline.”
  4. “I’m stepping back from extra commitments, so I’ll have to decline.”
  5. “I have too many commitments at the moment, so I have to say no.”
 
Why it’s kind: These phrases explain that your existing obligations prevent you from saying yes. They provide a clear and honest reason without implying any personal judgment about the request.

 

 

Offering Understanding and Appreciation

  1. “I’m not available to help at the moment, but I appreciate you asking.”
  2. “I’m not able to participate right now, but I’m grateful for the invitation.”
  3. “I’m choosing to prioritize other areas right now, so I must decline.”
  4. “I’m unable to assist at the moment, but I appreciate your understanding.”
  5. “I’m not the best person for this, so I’ll have to say no.”
 
Why it’s kind: These phrases emphasize appreciation for the offer and convey regret about not being able to help. They also express understanding for the requester’s needs and offer a respectful way to decline.
 
 

Explaining Personal Limitations

  1. “I need to focus on my own needs right now, so I’ll have to decline.”
  2. “I’m not available to help right now, but I appreciate your understanding.”
  3. “I’m currently unavailable, so I need to decline.”
  4. “I’m not in a position to agree to this, but thank you for considering me.”
  5. “I have to pass on this opportunity, but I hope it goes well.”
 
Why it’s kind: These phrases frame your inability to participate in terms of personal limitations or needs, rather than shortcomings. They are honest and self-respecting while maintaining a positive and considerate tone.
 
 

Expressing Unfit or Misalignment

  1. “This isn’t a good fit for me right now, but thank you for the offer.”
  2. “I have to pass on this opportunity, but I hope you find someone who can.”
  3. “I’m not available to help right now, but I hope you find success with it.”
  4. “I’m choosing to pass on this, but I’m grateful for the opportunity to be considered.”
  5. “I’m flattered by the offer, but I have to decline as it doesn’t align with my current focus.”
 
Why it’s kind: These phrases gently indicate that the request doesn’t align with your current situation or goals, rather than suggesting any fault with the request itself. They convey respect for the opportunity while declining.
 
 

Managing Emotional or Practical Reasons

  1. “I’m using my time to focus on personal goals, so I need to say no.”
  2. “I’m feeling overwhelmed by my current commitments, so I need to decline.”
  3. “I’m not able to make this work with my current schedule.”
  4. “I’m currently focused on other priorities and need to say no.”
  5. “I’m unable to commit right now, but thank you for understanding.”
 
Why it’s kind: These phrases address personal reasons or practical constraints without placing blame or appearing dismissive. They acknowledge the request respectfully while clearly stating your limits.
By categorizing the phrases this way, you can choose the approach that best fits the situation and maintains kindness and clarity in your communication.
 
Navigating the challenge of saying no can be daunting, especially when it involves relationships or situations you value. By using pre-drafted responses, understanding the importance of delaying your answer when needed, and eventually practicing saying no with confidence AND kindness you can handle these moments with greater ease and confidence. Whether you’re managing personal boundaries, professional commitments, or social invitations, having a set of thoughtful, respectful ways to decline can help you maintain clarity and preserve relationships.
Remember, saying no is a crucial skill in maintaining your well-being and ensuring that your time and energy are aligned with your priorities. Use the strategies and phrases outlined to make saying no a more manageable and positive experience, ultimately leading to healthier interactions and greater self-respect.